Holding hands walking on the beach in the evening of a summer day, a date in the park, while the sun beams on the two crystal glasses set out on a picnic blanket filled with delights; dinner for two at an exquisite restaurant while being serenaded by a classical piano player, or a wife coming home to discover rose pedals leading to a warm Jacuzzi filled with leaves of lavender and romantic candles. What does all of these things have in common? Well, in today's vernacular; romance and love.
From steamy novels, to romantic movies and plays, to the hottest new couples in Hollywood that grace the red carpet; our society has defined for us what romance should always be. The danger in this, the events that I have described in the first paragraph can also be used in a "player's" game to lure women looking for love in all of the "wrong" places.
But is this the epitome of "romance"? Don't get me wrong, I believe that you should spread the red carpet out for your queen as a husband or significant other, however, what we failed to realize is that in all of the Valentine Day type fan fare--a couple of things are left out of the romantic equation. These key elements are things like: commitment, honesty, integrity, character and straight forwardness.
I don't mean to jump from subject to subject, but I must address a couple of things dealing with "romance".
1) Men and women come in all different personalities and taste.
- In other words; romance to one woman may be defined as sending a bouquet of roses with a teddy bear to her job, while to another woman, romance may be bicycle riding or playing a game of monopoly or Scrabble.
2) To one man, romance may be having a candle light dinner while to another, may be watching a comedy or action movie alone with his wife (without the kids), or listening to his heart concerning his ideas and aspirations.
The problem lies in the lack of communication between the two to openly define what may or may not be considered romantic to both of them. What is the result? Society's definition of romance comes into play and becomes the standard of that relationship, whether it fits them or not. When this occurs, the relationship may be more frustrated than helped because of the lack of simply asking one another what the desire of their mate is.
Romance is not an event, it's a lifestyle.
A candle light dinner, running a bubble bath or even taking a jog should only be bi-products of a relationship whose primary focus is learn consistantly what it takes to please one another. Not just in the bed room, but in communication, effective listening and in support. Again, I am not saying that all of the events that I aforementioned in the first paragraph aren't important because they are. My desire is to help many realize that there is life behind the veil of romance, just as the apex of a relationship isn't the wedding day, but everything afterwards. Couples aren't having trouble finding their way to the alter, but they are finding it hard to have a successful marriage.
Longevity and commitment is the key. Any one can tickle your fancy for a season with roses and sweets. It should not be about the thrill of the catch, but sacrifice and consistent investment in the relationship that should matter.
Chocolate candy, diamonds and pearls are good, but to honestly love and cherish in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer till death do you part is far better!
Written by: Savaslas Lofton
c.2008
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